Cory & I got married 4 months ago and time has FLOWN! There are a few things I have learned in our first 120 days as husband and wife. You know after the gifts have stopped, the photos are in and you've watched your wedding video 10x and once you're just like... married. Plus, I need another excuse to post all my favorite wedding photos (HOLLA at my fave girl & insane photographer, Finding Light Photography!).
1. Husband and wife
We really had to try to remember to call each other fiance when we were engaged and not just boyfriend and girlfriend but the transition to husband and wife was pretty easy. It's bizarre and the words themselves make us feel older for some reason like it clearly must be time to really adult if I have a husband!? But there's also this unexpected sense of pride with calling Cory my husband like you got promoted at work or something and now are CEO. Does that make any sense? Prob not but that's sort of how it feels.
2. Mrs. Chaplin
I changed my name, almost immediately honestly. And it was so much easier than I expected, you don't need Hitchswitch. Sorry, it's just so much easier than that and this list on the Knot was super helpful to make sure I'd remembered everywhere to change it. It is an adjustment though. I'd been Tiffany Geiger for 27 years and then I wasn't. I love my new name don't get me wrong but it's one of the things I'm still adjusting to. Though I do also love being a Chaplin now like "yeah, we have the same last name. we're married and stuff." Again, sort of that weird sense of pride for some reason.
3. The honeymoon phase is real.
Cory and I had been together 16 years before we got married. I know, if you haven't read our story you can do so here. And had lived together for 3 before so I felt like we knew all the things about each other and had been through pretty much everything together. But that post-wedding glow is real. It's just incredible and your relationship is just SO GOOD right after. Sex-wise. Happiness-wise. Life-wise. It's just INCREDIBLE.
4. Combining bank accounts/talking money is weird.
We've lived together for 3+ years now so we've been talking about money for a while now but now that you're legally married it literally means mine is his and his is mine so suddenly everything matters more financially. Because your spouse is literally invested in everything you are - good and bad. So talk about the money, preferably before marriage but the conversation continues after and it's something we're working on - ok, I'm working on getting comfortable with still. I like to shop and go out for dinner and it's expensive to get my hair colored, eyebrows done - you know the work us girls do to feel pretty - and some of that Cory doesn't understand but he's trying to and I'm trying to keep the conversation open. And vice versa one day I saw an email on his phone that he'd bought Bitcoin or one of those currencies for like $5k and YOU DID WHAT?! suddenly a $5k purchase felt like something I should know about. Anyway, be ready for it and stay open to it and you'll find your groove.
5. You'll never regret the money you spent on your wedding (or prob not your honeymoon.. but I wouldn't know yet).
We paid for our wedding and guys.. it's expensive! But it was the best day of our lives and I'm not saying do the ridiculous and get everything you want but get the important things to you because you won't regret it. I have such great memories (and photos) of that day, I ask Cory at least once a week if we can do it again. Worth every penny.
6. Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
Hell, do both. Post-wedding depression is real. For months/years you've been planning this day and then the day comes and it's beyond and then it goes and you're left wondering like now what!? Let's go back. And it's sad for a while.. I still get sad sometimes but def less so. I'd say the "severe" post-party depression was like the first 60ish days because within that time frame you're in your relationship honeymoon phase and photos are coming in and your videos are coming in and then all that ends and it kind of becomes normal.
7. Marriage life is the same.
People frequently ask "how's married life?" and it's the same. The only change I could really expect some people may go through is if they didn't live together before because then that's definitely an adjustment. But we did so married life is the same we're just legally bound now.
8. The Honeymoon
I couldn't handle mentally planning a wedding and a big honeymoon and let's be honest, neither could our bank accounts. So we went down to Miami right after for a few days (which were incredible! You should def do something right after the wedding just you and your spouse for a night at least and really basque in the post-wedding glory) and delayed our honeymoon. But even if you choose to delay it, make it a priority to plan it! It's not something you want to inadvertently skip because you just never got around to planning. Cory and I just got back from a trip with our friends to Europe and now that we're through that we're focusing on figuring out where we want to go on our Honeymoon and when.
9. Priorize your spouse and your marriage.
You're busy. And if you live in NYC somehow you're even busier. It's easy for it to drop down the list. You work, you work late, you get happy hour with friends, you go to the gym, you get your hair colored. It's easy to move through the week without spending time with your spouse. It's important to prioritize time together and plan date nights. It's easy amidst planning and reaching for big goals (a trip, a house, whatever it is) to skip date night. But you have to find a way to make it a priority at the same time - cook at home together and sit down to dinner without phones and TV, that counts. We've recently gotten back into going out every week or so and date nights are the best. We come home like "Wow! That was so fun!" So plan dates just the two of you & go on them! You need the time to connect with your spouse.
10. Remember your wedding day is just the beginning of many dreams.
Wedding day was the best. I will say it over and over again. And the post-party depression was real. But it's just the first of so many of our dreams together! There will be buying our first house, vacations, babies, career moves and so many more things to focus on and be excited for your future together! Wedding day is just the beginning.